THE ART OF LOVING, by Erich Fromm- Chapter 1. Is it love an Art?

Wednesday, 11th November 2014

THE ART OF LOVING, by Erich Fromm

Chapter 1. Is it love an Art?

The main intention of the book is demonstrating that love is an art, something that requires knowledge and effort, which can be learnt. The author’s concept of love is the consequence of a conscientious work, not something that happens by chance.

He reinforces his idea of love as a struggle by mentioning three mistakes that people make when they love and which cause that many couples split up: 

The first failure consists of the notion of passive love (being loved) rather than active love (love somebody or something). People want to be loved or being worth of it. What is more, nobody thinks of being able to love as the main target to aim to. A big effort is needed to become successful or to get enough features for being loved.

The second usual mistake is to conceive love as an object instead of as an ability to be increased and developed through willingness, willpower and convenience. In fact, the belief of romantic love is very recent, and this vision has demolished the concept of love as a faculty in the world today, as it follows the path of consumism. In that way, we seek love as if we were looking for new clothes or shoes from a shop window.

Last but not least, the third mistake he has found is that people should stand in love instead of falling or being in love. This means that after being able to pass all the stages of love, even with its rough patches, there is nothing easier in life than to love. Not being able to stand in love causes an overwhelming lack of knowledge about the meaning of love and in most cases, falling in love ends to be an intense but extremely short experience followed by disappointment and frustration.

Finally, the writer reinforces the thought of love as an art by pointing out that you have to master both in theory and practice, and the proficiency of the art must be a topic of ultimate concern, that is, to have no other purpose than benefit your spirit, being a better person and feeling good.